FLASH—Liberal Media Biased Against the East Pole
by Robert A. Letcher, 4 September 2008


I can't stand another minute listening to smiley-faced McCain-style “middle class”, half millionaires complaining endlessly about biased reporting of their biased ideas. What do they mean by "bias"? Are they suggesting that their own expressions are without bias? Is that even possible? Do they care at all? What difference does it make? To whom?

These are all important questions that none of them seemed interested in addressing amidst all their self righteousness, self validating, and self-indulgent bloviating against the media. It sounded to me as if the Republican Party will had redefined “bias” to mean simply “deviation from their positions”, as they state them, and as they define their statements. In addition, it appears that the Republican Party has allowed their loose usage of “bias” to allow them to act as if hypocrisy means never having to say you're sorry.

I don't know; maybe things We! readers see around us look the way Republicans describe them to Alice, from her side of the looking glass! I’m not sure whether I’m thinking of Louis Carroll’s Alice, or Jefferson Airplane’s. But maybe, if I had sufficient quantities of expensive wine, whiskey, weed, or women, I might start seeing funny things too.

What might I see? Sometimes, I wonder if I’d finally be able to grasp the Press’s terrible liberal bias against the East Pole. Come on; when was the last time you saw the liberal media report on anything about the East Pole?

How could they, with all the air time they give to the North and South Poles?! Every year, the liberal media provide wall-to-wall coverage of the true meaning of the Christian Holiday—Santa’s elves working in sweatshops so that they can make toys for good little boys and girls whose parents or guardians can shop at sales held at stores ranging from Big-Bucks Mart Wal-Mart so those stores can break even for the year. It’s more than that. The US Air Force rides shotgun, presumably to protect SANTA-EX’s underarmored sleighs from terrorists and provide aerial refueling for those Santa’s eight reindeer, recently updated to operate on dual-feed Toyota hybrids. The Weather Channel tracks storms, to keep SANTA-EX on time and within budget. And don’t get me talking about how much coverage the liberal media give to those crazed “Day After” shoppers. It’s possible that some of them are just practicing, should President Bush call upon Americans to “Shop”, if those weak-kneed liberals go soft on defense again.

Of course, they aren’t overrun by week-kneed liberals at the South Pole. Just penguins on the march. But how do you think we get to see those long marches? That’s right—it’s the biased liberal media sending biased liberal camera crews out there, so we can watch those penguins deliver new penguins, a kind of PENGUIN–EX, like at the North pole, but without the kids working in sweatshops. Dazzling! Committed, setting high marks for sweatshop workers elsewhere to Target. And, just as we saw for the North Pole, the liberal media chooses to cover these penguins instead of the East Pole.

Fortunately, FOX Noise covers the East Pole and other stories available only from the other side of Alice’s looking glass.

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FIRST PUBLISHED
We! Magazine #85, Volume 3, Number 3    Wednesday, 3 September 2008